Month: January 2019

A Letter to My (Unborn) Second Child

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Dear Baby Bean #2,

First off, I apologize if Mommy and Daddy seem a bit preoccupied. Days, weeks, and months pass by, and I realize that I haven’t so much as read you a book or sang you a song or gave you a gentle love tap through Mommy’s growing belly.

I assure you: it’s definitely not because there are more important things going on in our lives. And definitely not because we don’t think about you or have forgotten about you.

That’s the furthest thing from the truth.

It’s nearly impossible for the days, hours, minutes, seconds to pass by without you, Little Bean, entering my thoughts. Especially because you never let me not think about you, with your constant kicks and dances.

I’m so grateful for how much you move. Every movement helps me to learn about you a little bit more and more. 

I can tell you’re going to be a bit of a firecracker, which both warms my heart and terrifies me to no end.

Daddy and I would be kidding ourselves if we didn’t acknowledge that you’re going to keep us on our toes. It’s an inevitability.

When I think about your pending arrival, I get nervous. Not because I’m scared to meet you. Not even because I don’t think that Daddy and I will know what to do (not that we’re professionals — I just know that when I meet you, I’ll be able to figure out what you need).

No, I think I’m nervous because I know that I will love you so much.

My heart has already been full.

With gratitude and joy and unconditional love for the life I’ve had over the past few years. For the people that I’ve been fortuitous enough to surround myself. Especially your daddy and your brother and your fur-brother, your aunts and uncles and grandparents and cousins. There are so many people that I have given so much love to; it’s hard to imagine having the capacity to love anyone or anything else at this point.

But I know that’s what will happen: my seemingly already-filled heart will inevitably expand a bit more to accommodate how much love I’ll undoubtedly feel about you.

That much love is hard for me to comprehend.

So, I’m just writing to let you know that I’m anxious to meet you. I’m eager to meet you. I’m counting down the days, Little Bean (but also, selfishly, crossing my fingers that you’re cozy enough in my womb that you’ll wait those five more weeks until you’re “supposed to” make your grand entrance into this world).

We’ll see you soon. And we can’t wait to love you — with all our bodies, minds, and hearts.

Love,

Mama Bean

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My Second Pregnancy Struggles

Sarina C.1 Comment

Disclaimer: this blog post is super ranty and whiny and does not, in any way, shape, or form, represent my feelings toward my soon-to-be-born second child.

I’m a little over 34 weeks into my second pregnancy, and all I have to say is this: it has been a huge struggle.

My sister, my doctor, my mother, my aunts, my co-workers — basically every woman I know who has experienced multiple pregnancies — have assured me: feeling this much physical discomfort and pain during my second pregnancy is completely normal. Which, I guess, is supposed to be a comforting sentiment.

But, admittedly, my increasingly disgruntled (and, therefore, increasingly pessimistic) self just can’t help but grumble: this sucks so much.

I’m sure I’ve shared this with you all before, but I’ll say it again: I’m honest with myself and know that I’m not one of those women who particularly enjoys being pregnant. Granted, I love my children, and I’m so thankful that this nine-month journey ends with a little being that I somehow simultaneously love so much and can’t seem to love enough… But the journey itself?

Yeah, I’m not a fan.

Continue reading “My Second Pregnancy Struggles” →

New Year, Who Dis?: My Commitments for 2019

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Dear Readers,

Another year has come and gone, and I inadvertently abandoned this “beanbrain” blog about a quarter into 2018.

My apologies for that one. I hate making excuses as to why certain goals, especially my creative projects, fizzle out as the year progresses. But I’m just going to put my justifications out there. And you are welcome to pass judgment (or not).

  • Work became insane. I actually went through a pretty tumultuous professional year shortly after returning from maternity leave last January, which resulted in my moving into two different jobs throughout the course of the year. Both roles within the same company, both ultimately great moves for my long-term professional career — they just made my day-to-day schedule (and managing a blog) a little more challenging.
  • I found out I was pregnant again. Yup. I’m actually about 33 weeks along. I’ve been growing steadily larger and becoming more and more tired. And Reggie and I are just counting down the days until our little family grows a little bit bigger. So, of course, managing a second pregnancy and taking care of an increasingly rambunctious toddler leave little room to blog (and also made my fitness and weight loss goals pretty much nonexistent).

But…

It’s a new year. And I’ve committed to making 2019 my year of no excuses.

Continue reading “New Year, Who Dis?: My Commitments for 2019” →