On Finding a Rhythm (or, Rather, NOT Finding a Rhythm)

I apologize for being MIA for the past couple of months. Once Tadashi got sick with the flu, Reggie and I, unfortunately, couldn’t get back into a life rhythm. So, understandably, my writing fell by the wayside.

And that’s what I want to focus on in today’s blog post: that struggle for new parents to find a rhythm. More specifically, a rhythm for self-care and self-love.

I wrote on my 28th birthday that taking time for myself and for my (physical, emotional, and mental) well-being was one of my top priorities this year. And that still stands. It’s just been so difficult for a multitude of reasons:

Tadashi’s on the move, but I haven’t managed to get into a groove.
  1. Undeniably, my schedule has become dictated by Tadashi’s schedule. So every second of every minute of every day is led by whatever Tadashi needs at that moment in time.
  2. When prioritizing things for my family, my wants end up toward the bottom of the list…
  3. … Primarily because of “Mom Guilt,” which is a very real thing. Why in the world should I take time for myself when there are more important things (a.k.a. my son, my home, my family) to dedicate my time and energy to?

And, 4. I honestly struggle to find ways to take care of myself and love myself because there are times when I don’t even know who I am anymore.

Pregnancy and becoming a mother for the first time has changed me so dramatically, both physically and emotionally, that my entire being has felt so foreign to me. My body is this weird entity that I don’t know what to do with. And my emotions are still on a seemingly never-ending roller coaster, twisting and turning at the drop of a hat. My life, in general, is a mystery to me.

How am I supposed to get into a rhythm when I can’t even come to terms with the fact that my life is no longer mine?

Honestly, I doubt that I can ever find the answer… But I can try.

The spiritual part of me tells me: just let go a bit and let God lead.

And the practical part of me tells me… Well, something pretty similar: embrace your new reality, and learn to roll with the punches.

And take advantage of those little pockets of time when I can pause, breathe, and get reacquainted with myself.

I guess that’s as close to a definitive answer that I’ll get. For now.


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